


In Which Edward Has an Idea, and Alice is Not Pleased

by Shakespeares_Girl



Category: Twilight - Meyer
Genre: Other, Sex Toys, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-24
Updated: 2010-03-24
Packaged: 2017-10-08 07:20:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/74098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shakespeares_Girl/pseuds/Shakespeares_Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward gets an idea while he's working in the garage, and Alice . . . well, she's not pleased.  Not pleased at all.  Please note:  THIS IS CRACK!FIC!  And be warned:  there is molestation of inanimate objects!</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Edward Has an Idea, and Alice is Not Pleased

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: For CC. You know who you are.
> 
> Warnings 'n' such: Okay, well masturbation fic, crack!fic, molestation of an inanimate object . . . could be construed as Edward bashing. I take no responsibility for mental or emotional damage that may ensue while reading this fic. It's not my fault. I was tricked!

Edward looked curiously at the car-vac. They had one in the garage, all the better to keep up their expensive cars, and Edward had been using it to vacuum out the mud from the Volvo. Then an idea had occurred to him, and now he was unable to stop thinking about it. Furtively, he unzipped his fly and took out his dick. No one was around, so he experimentally thrust into the hose for the car-vac.

It was nice, better than he thought. He thrust a few times, thoughtfully, gauging just how effective a sex toy the car-vac made. The suction was good, better than just a hand. Edward grinned and sped up this thrusts.

"EDWARD CULLEN! Put your dick away THIS INSTANT!" Alice screeched, flying down the stairs toward him.

"Alice!" Edward gasped, hunching over to hide where his dick was sucked into the car-vac hose.

"No! Away! Now!" Alice commanded, studiously ignoring her brother's state of partial undress. "I can't have you filling my brain with images of you masturbating with inanimate objects! No! No! No!"

Sighing, Edward pulled his dick out and turned the car-vac off. "Fine," he agreed grudgingly. "I probably would have shattered the plastic attachment anyway."

With a screech, Alice disappeared up the stairs. Frowning, Edward called after her, "What? What did I say?"


End file.
